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was not functioning, the choice of all the older Simes was Jord. Zeth could
see the pattern: the younger Simes, those who had never killed, had little
preference among Uel, Marji, or Zeth. But those who killed occasionally, and
even those who had disjuncted, preferred something Jord could give them that
the others could not.
Still, Zeth was busy. When he was done he stopped to see his father again.
Rimon had fallen into a coma-like sleep, completely unnatural for a Sime. Abel
said, "He used to get like this before he disjuncted," the gloom in his nager
contrasting with the guarded hope of the channels.
Zeth and Owen had begun work before dawn that morning, and it was hours after
dark when they got back to the Veritt house. Owen barely managed to eat supper
without falling
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asleep. Zeth put him to bed, and slept for a few hours, waking after
midnight, wanting a cup of tea.
Zeth went down the hall, and was about to enter the main room when he
suddenly realized there were two people in it: Sessly Bron and Jord Veritt.
She was seated in Abel's big armchair; he was sitting on the rug at her feet,
his head resting against her knees. Her hand was on his shoulder, and he had
placed his hand over it. They were sitting very, very still, completely
absorbed in one another. And Sessly was low-field.
"... and if he dies trying to disjunct," Jord was saying, "who will hold Fort
Freedom together? I can't. I never could, and now as a channel, I'm too busy.
I'm not even a very good channel," he added bitterly.
"Of course you are!" said Sessly. "I couldn't have donated to anyone else,
Jord. Not after what you did today to save my life."
"You should never have been in danger from me! I'm a channel I'm supposed to
give life, not take it."
"Jord, you refused to "
"You don't understand, Sessly. I didn't kill today but I'll come into crisis
again, and then I'll "
"No!" she said, leaning down, her arm across his chest, holding him
tightly."Never again, Jord. We'll keep the demon off."
"It feels like a demon," Jord said. "I used to believe in demons but oh, it
would be so easy . . . !"
"Believe it!" she whispered fiercely. "Let me help you!"
"No," he said flatly, but Sessly obviously felt what Zeth could zlin: there
was no conviction whatsoever in the word.
Grasping control of his show-field, hoping that Jord was too involved in his
own thoughts to notice him, Zeth retreated silently to the room he shared with
Owen. There he wrapped himself in a blanket and sat down, getting madder by
the minute. If Jord were tempted to abdicate responsibility for his actions,
how could other juncts resist Maddok Bron's claims? No one would ever disjunct
again. His frustration grew until Owen turned restlessly, mumbling in his
sleep. Then Zeth turned his mind to ways to disprove the theory.But who will
listen to me?
One eager listener was Jimmy Norton. In fact, the next day Jimmy sought Zeth
out, promising to break the habits he had learned among the Freehand Raiders.
He had been wasting
selynaugmenting, making a nuisance of himself. Ever since Fort Freedom had
been built there had been a firm rule: no augmenting within the gates. Bowling
over Gens or children in a fit of high spirits was not to be tolerated.
But after Bekka's disjunction, Jimmy was a different person. "Zeth, I want
transfer from you from now on."
"Jimmy, we've got you scheduled for Jord, because -"
"I know why, and I don'twant that! Please, Zeth, help make it safe for me to
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be around my father or my sister without three other people to grab me if I
try to kill one of them!" He blinked back tears. "I'm never going to kill
again. I swore that with Mr. Veritt. I want to be like you, Zeth. Oh, God, how
I wish " He broke off, setting his jaw firmly. "It's my responsibility. Bekka
decided not to kill I zlinned it all. If she can do it, I can do it."
"I'll do everything I can to help you, Jimmy," said Zeth, thinking,If a
Freehand Raider can disjunct by his own will, that should prove there Is no
demon.
Even with Jimmy Norton on his schedule, Zeth's simulation of killbliss did
not improve, creating great difficulties in juggling the schedule. He could
handle the sheer numbers of transfers his father had, but he could not satisfy
all his father's clients.
"You're afraid of the kill," said Owen after another session in which the
complaint had been raised against Zeth. "Why are you so frightened? You won't
be tempted to kill. Even if you were, you don't think I'd let you?"
"I don't require you to keep the demons away," Zeth snapped.
"Come on, Zeth you know that's superstition. It's like Abel said: you take
care of other Simes, and I take care of you. It all works out equally between
Simes and Gens."
"No, Owen. It leaves Gens running things because they control the channels. I
don't want you controlling me!"
"I'm not "
"Oh, yeah?Don't tell me you don't know what you're doing right now, trying to
calm me down when I don'twant to calm down! I want tothink. Why don't you just
run along and see Sue Norton? I'm going to visit my father."
The Nortons were back again, along with Glian Lodge, all staying with Del
Erick. Del, however, was in Rimon's sickroom, high-field the visit of his Gen
guests was timed for that and therefore no irritation to Rimon. Zeth had
noticed
howcarefully Del timed his visits, and how faithfully he came, despite
Rimon's indifference.
"You should have zlinned Glian when Jana cut those horses out for him!" he
was telling Rimon proudly. "He said he's never seen a girl ride like that. Of
course she explained to him just how she selected the best stock." He
chuckled. "He said he'd like to replace his wrangler with Jana." He looked
up."Hi, Zeth. Where's Owen?"
"Over at your house. I don't have to have a watchdog every minute!"
"Hey," said Del, "nobody said you did. I was just asking about my son. What's
wrong, Zeth?"
Rimon seemed not to have noticed either Del's conversation or Zeth's
entrance. Anni Steers was sitting on the other side of the bed, her attention
focused on her knitting so as tobe ,as unobtrusive as possible. Zeth recalled
that she was pregnant again and Uel teasing Hank about how he had found time
to accomplish that feat. It never seemed to bother Uel to rely on Hank in
fact, now that he thought about it, even the way people referred to them was
different.Rimon and Kadi.Zeth and Owen.Marji and Trina. Always the channel
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first except Hank and Uel.
The silence stretched until Zeth blurted, "I'm tired of Owen pushing me
around."
"Does he?" asked Del. "Just to exercise power?"
"No," Zeth admitted. "He thinks it's for my own good."
"Maybe he's a little tactless? Should I talk to him, Zeth? I can't fully
understand the relationship between a channel and his Companion, but often an
outsider can help when someone too closely involved can't."
But Zeth couldn't explain. Owenwasn't tactless. He was just supremely
confident . . . and Zeth wasn't. He found himself saying exactly that to Del.
"And why do you think that is?" Del asked.
"Because Owen has faced death," Zeth realized, "and I haven't. I thought I
had when I was trapped in the stable at Mountain Chapel but I didn't really
come close to dying, because of Owen."
Del smiled. "And so you resent Owen's ability to take care of you. I can
remember Rimon and Kadi arguing over the same problem." He looked hopefully
toward Rimon, his field ringing with expectancy, but Zeth's father did not
respond.
"Dad's getting worse," said Zeth.
"It's chronic need. Get one good transfer into him "
"Who's going to do it?" Zeth demanded. "Owen's his only match!"
After a pause, Del said, "If you can face that, Zeth if you can give up Owen,
just once, you'll conquer the feeling that he's controlling you."
Zeth considered, automatically blending his nager into the room to ease his
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