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brother's murder would taint their relationship with Ukiah.
There were areas where Atticus resisted invasion, somehow turning aside
Hellena's probes.
What he let her search through were fights in dark alleys, crowded barrooms,
and even illegal fighting rings for bare-fisted fighters.
"Ru," Ukiah murmured to Hellena. "Have him remember Ru."
. . .
Was there anything louder, drunker, randier than a party of college boys?
Atticus couldn't decide if coming tonight had been a mistake. With the recent
gay bashings, he didn't like
his roommate walking alone, but Atticus was the only straight person at the
party. And apparently there was some confusion over that. On the theory that a
moving target was harder to hit on, he drifted through the party. Perversely,
he felt like Goldilocks, critiquing each area: too loud, too crowded, too
drunk, way too intimate.
Where the hell was Ru? Atticus felt a prick of jealousy that probably someone
else was with his roommate. Ru had been moody and withdrawn since winter break
and the whole mess
with the stabbing.
At the time Ru had been surprisingly calm and efficient. He said the mice were
cute.
Instead of being upset about Atticus not being human and able to come back
from the dead, Ru seemed to focus on the fact that he was the first person
Atticus ever told his secret to. He invited
Atticus home during the break, and introduced him to his parents and three
little sisters. What had happened? Even with Atticus's perfect memory, he
couldn't pinpoint the sentence or the gesture where it all went wrong. And it
hurt like hell. Ru was the best friend he'd ever had, and it really felt like
he was losing him.
No one was in the backyard. While there was afire going in a brick grill, it
was dark and cold: a perfect spot to sulk. Ru found him there a short time
later.
"
Hey! Ru breathed out a haze of wine, snuggling against Atticus's back. What
are you
"
"
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doing out here?
"
"
Sulking. Atticus immediately wished he'd said something else. For a moment,
things had
"
been right, with Ru playfully affectionate. He liked the closeness they had,
despite what it was doing to his image.
Ru, though, pulled away. Whatever for?
"
"
"
The mice weirded you out
didn't they?
"
"
Why would you say that?
"
"
Because . . . Nothing, just forget about it.
"
"
You sorry you told me? Ru asked warily, putting more distance between them.
"
"
No. It's just things seem broke between us. And it sucks.
"
"
Yeah, it sucks.
"
So they fell into silence except the crackling of the fire.
"
Yeah, Atticus whispered finally, I'm sorry I told you. I hate this.
"
"
"
"
Atty, this has nothing to do with the mice.
"
He looked at Ru, dubious.
"
This is about you and my sisters, Ru explained, or rather, didn't.
"
"
What?
"
"
All the girls you dated last term were complete babes, but my sisters . . . I
couldn't deal with that.
"
"
Ru, what the hell are you talking about?
"
Ru gave him a look of pure agony. You'll hate me.
"
"
"
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What, you've taken up killing babies and torturing puppies when I wasn't
looking?
"
Ru laughed, and then sobered, falling back to the hurt look.
Atticus didn't know what to say. He never knew what to say. He tried to bridge
the gap between them; he went to Ru, awkwardly embraced him, and asked
quietly, Tell me what's
"
wrong. Until I know, I can't do anything to fix things.
"
Ru's heart started to hammer, and he let out a trembling sigh, as if he were
going to start crying. Oh, Atty, sometimes you're just so clueless.
"
"
Just as Atticus was going to ask him what he meant, Ru reached up to undo
Atticus's top three buttons, leaned his head down, and dropped a kiss in the
hollow of Atticus's neck. His kisses moved upward, strange for their maleness.
It all clicked for Atticus. Ru was in love with him, and Atticus was straight.
Things had been fine as long as Atticus was unattainable, but then they'd gone
to Ru's home and Atticus had flirted with Ru's sisters. With Ru's long hair,
and his sisters' relatively flat chests, the only difference between the
siblings was an X chromosome and some southerly plumbing. He felt
stupid not to have realized it before.
Shaking now, Ru whispered, I love you.
"
"
Ru, who knew that he wasn't human, who had seen the mice form and be
reabsorbed, who watched him die and come back to life, loved him. A jolt of
something as pure and blinding as joy flashed through Atticus, stunning him.
Ru kissed him, then, firm male lips against his.
Atticus was fairly sure he was straight-straight; as totally aware of being
driven by pheromones and animal instincts as he was mystified that he could
not be human and still so desperately want to mate with a human female. In his
blackest moods, he felt similar to a randy little dog that humped visitors'
legs, driven over the boundaries of his species by lust. But he had no species
of his own; he was a solitary creature, a freak of nature.
And Ru loved him just the same.
Ru kissed him again, tasting of tears, and then, realizing that Atticus wasn't
responding, tried to pull away. Atticus tightened his hold, sensing that if he
let Ru go now, it would tear a larger rift between them. The slight pressure
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