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I caught up with the men in the parking lot.
"Nathaniel says you didn't want to dance with him," Micah said.
"Not true," I said, "I danced, twice. What I didn't want to do was play kissy-face in front of the cops."
Micah looked at Nathaniel. Nathaniel looked at the ground. "You kissed me earlier in front of Detective
Arnet. Why was this different?"
"I kissed you to give Jessica the clue to stop hitting on you, because you wanted me to save you from
her."
He raised his eyes, and they were like two pretty wounds, so pain-filled. "So, you only kissed me to
save me, not because you wanted to?"
Oh, hell. Out loud I tried again, though the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach told me that I was
going to lose this argument. Lately, around Nathaniel, I always felt like I was doing something wrong, or
at least not right. "That isn't what I meant," I said.
"It's what you said."This from Micah.
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"Don't you start," I said, and I heard the anger in my voice before I could stop it. The anger had been
there already, I just hadn't been aware of it. I was angry a lot, especially when I wasn't comfortable. I
liked anger better than embarrassment. What's a girl to do if she can't get angry and she can't run away
from the problem? Hell if I know. Some of my wise friends encouraged me to be honest, emotionally
honest with myself and those closest to me.Emotional honesty. It sounds so harmless, so wholesome; it's
neither.
"I don't want to fight," I said. .There, that was honest.
"None of us do," Micah said.
Just hearing him be so calm helped the anger ease away. "Nathaniel pushed it on the dance floor, and the
ardeur rose early."
"I felt it," Micah said.
"Me, too," Jason said.
"But you don't feel it now, do you?" Nathaniel said. His eyes were almost accusing and his voice held its
own thin edge of anger. I wasn't sure if I'd ever heard him that close to being angry.
"Anita is getting better control over the ardeur," Micah said.
Nathaniel shook his head, hugging himself tight. "If it had been you, she would have just come out into
the parking lot and fed."
"Not willingly," I said.
"Yes, you would," he said, and his eyes held the anger his voice had held. I'd never seen those lavender
eyes angry before. Not like this. It was strangely unnerving.
"I would not have sex in the parking lot of Larry and Tammy's wedding reception, if I had a choice."
That angry gaze searched my face as if trying to find something. "Why not feed here?"
"Because it's tacky."
Jason patted his arm. "See, it isn't you she turned down, it's that she doesn't want to fool around at
Larry's wedding.Just not her style."
Nathaniel glanced at Jason, then back at me. Some strange tension that I didn't quite understand seemed
to flow away from him. The anger began to fade from his eyes. "I guess you're right."
"Well, if we don't want to be fooling around in the parking lot, then we need to get going," Micah said.
"The ardeur doesn't like being denied. When it does come back tonight, it won't be gentle."
I sighed. He was right. That bit of metaphysical bravado on the dance floor would have all sorts of
consequences later tonight. When the ardeur rose again, I would be forced to feed. There would be no
stuffing it back into its box. It was almost as if, being able to stop the ardeur in its tracks, to completely
turn it off once it had filled me, pissed the ardeur off. I knew it was a psychic gift, and that psychic gifts
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don't have feelings and don't cany grudges, but sometimes, it felt like this one did.
"I'm sorry, Anita, I wasn't thinking." Nathaniel looked so discouraged that I had to hug him, a quick hug,
more sisterly than anything else, and he responded to my body language and didn't try and hold me close.
He let me hug him, and step away. Nathaniel was usually almost painfully attuned to my body language. It
was one of the things that had allowed him to share my bed for months without violating those last few
taboos.
"Let's go home," I said.
"That's my cue topart company ," Jason said.
"You're welcome to bunk over if you want," I said.
He shook his head. "No, since I'm not needed to referee the fight, or for sage advice, I'll go home, too.
Besides, I couldn't stand listening to the three of you get all hot and heavy and not be invited to play." He
laughed and added, "Don't get mad, but having once been included, it's harder to be excluded."
I fought the blush that burned up my face, which always seemed to make the blush darker and harder.
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