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every single one managed to sound just like every other one. Did
they realize they were doing it? Gage remembered when he used to
lead the family prayers and the well-worn words just fell out of his
mouth in the proper order without any real thought from him. But
the sound of his name caught his full attention.
And Father in Heaven, please help Gage find his way back to
the proper path of salvation. Please continue to bless him with your
love, even as he turns away from your teachings. Please bless his
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family with the spiritual strength to withstand this test, even as
they continue to love their son and hope for his return. We ask that
you protect his younger brothers from Satan s negative influences
and keep them spiritually clean and worthy of thy blessings. And
finally, Lord, we ask that you help Gage in his struggle against
temptation and Lucifer. It is only with your love and guidance that
he will ever win this battle. And we say these things in the name of
the son, Jesus Christ, amen.
By the time everybody echoed the bishop s amen, hot rage
choked him like a hand around his throat. Some part of him was
capable of stepping back and viewing the situation somewhat
objectively. That part insisted Stan hadn t meant any harm, and
besides, it was inappropriate and useless to make a fuss. It was
difficult to listen to that voice when the blood pounded in his
temples and the world was literally pulsing as his eyes throbbed.
Did you really think that was appropriate? Gage said
between gritted teeth. Now? Here?
I can t think of a more appropriate time or place, Stan
answered calmly. Now that you re back, you need to know that
people care about you and your soul.
Care? You care about me?
Yes, Stan said. Your family loves you very much. The
whole ward has been doing their best to support your parents
through this difficult time.
Yes, it must be very difficult for them after they kicked me
out.
You didn t give us a choice, Sarah shot back. Especially
with Ben being so young and Zak getting ready for his mission.
What else could we do?
What are you talking about? What did you think I was going
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to do?
How were we supposed to know? You re working for Lucifer
now. And unless you repent&
Gage blinked, bewilderment fusing with his anger. His head
had never hurt so much. Working for Lucifer? Can you even hear
yourself? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?
Sodomy&
I was a virgin, Gage said, cutting her off. I was a virgin. I
kept the word of wisdom. I had a perfect GPA at the school you
wanted me to go to. I might not have been the perfect son, but I
tried.
You didn t try hard enough, Sarah said. You refused to even
discuss treatment.
Because I m not sick!
You are sick. Why can t you see that? Heavenly Father put
you on earth to have a family, Gage. He has a plan for you, and it s
not Christopher.
We were hoping that you would agree to counseling, Blake
said softly, speaking for the first time. There are several we could
recommend. In fact, I would be happy to set up the appointment.
Counseling? I m not going to go to counseling. And it s none
of your business, anyway. At all. Do you understand me? Gage
looked around to the three men. Do any of you understand me?
This has nothing to do with you.
They re the only ones who can help you, Sarah said. And
you need help. If I ever doubted it before, I don t now. With
counseling and treatment&
Or maybe we ll need something more& serious. Stan looked
very troubled and serious as he gave voice to his new suggestion.
Something that will get through to you, Gage, so you can
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understand how grave this matter is.
Gage s hands curled into fists. It wasn t that he particularly
cared what the bishop thought. He didn t. But he took great
exception to the fact that they thought they could talk to him about
his private life. He also couldn t help but be insulted by their tone.
Oh, really? Gage s face felt stiff and the words were difficult
to form. What exactly do you suggest?
Stan took a deep breath and looked over to Sarah and then
Brett. Ben was sitting in the corner, slumped low in his seat like he
wanted to just melt through the floor. His misery was stamped
across his face, and Gage knew that Ben was blaming himself for
this entire ridiculous farce. Gage wished he could tell him it wasn t
his fault.
If you continue to insist on behaving like this, we might have
no choice but to excommunicate you.
Gage stared at him for a beat and then laughed. Really? Is that
all you ve got?
Gage, this is very serious, Sarah said.
Gage laughed again. Excommunicate me. I don t care.
They could see he really meant it, and mingled shock, disgust,
fear, and concern was reflected on each of their faces.
Gage, do you understand what it means to be
excommunicated? Stan asked.
Yeah, it means I won t be a member of your ridiculous cult
anymore.
As soon as he said it, he knew the whole thing was over. He
wasn t going to ever reconcile with his parents. He would never
smooth things over with Brett. Even Ben looked shocked, his eyes
wide and horrified. They all stared at him like they couldn t quite
believe he went that far. There was nothing left to do except stand
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up, which he did, but very slowly. Everything seemed to be in slow
motion. He couldn t believe he was going to actually say more, but
in for a penny, in for a pound.
I know that everybody in this room thinks I had an
inappropriate sexual relationship on my mission. I didn t. I
behaved perfectly. I was sent home because I told the mission
president that I didn t believe in God anymore, and I couldn t stand
lying to people for another day. Gage swallowed, surprised by
how even his voice was. Admitting he was gay had actually been
easier. Being gay was bad enough, but this was on a completely
different level. This was a fundamental rejection of everything his
parents had spent their lives honoring. It felt like a rejection of his
family, his culture, his life. So you can excommunicate me. I
don t care. I won t be there for your tribunal, and I won t be
returning to Salt Lake for any other reason. Just& remember that
when you announce it to the ward, you won t be embarrassing
me.
Nobody tried to stop him as he walked out. He wasn t sure if
the hot rush of blood to his face was the result of disappointment
or relief.
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CHAPTER 10
The W Lounge was small, dark, and more than a little grimy. It
wasn t any bigger than a comfortably-sized living room, and the
stage at the front was not so much a stage as it was a cleared space.
They boasted live music seven nights a week mostly local bands
and DJs who split their time between the dozen decent venues in
Salt Lake. Gage had played there his fair share after turning
twenty-one, but he d mostly spent his time nursing a Diet Coke
and listening. It was a shithole, but the music sounded good. And it
had a certain energy. Even in the middle of the week, when the
audience was sparse at best, there was something vibrant about it.
This time, Gage didn t order a soft drink. He was becoming
more accustomed to beer, and in the stifling heat of the summer
night, nothing sounded better. Fans blew lazily overhead, and the
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door and all the windows were open, but it wasn t enough to get
the air moving. Sweat gathered under his arms and made the back
of his neck prickle.
That ll be four dollars, the bartender said as he slid the beer
across the bar.
Gage handed him a twenty and left the stack of change on the
bar. He planned to drink through it and another one before the end
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