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different now."
With a good push, he scooted across the room. He came back to where Sean sat and
kissed him. "I love it. Perfect gift. And a lot less tiring than hand-walking."
They made love before the altar again, with many kisses and a slow stroking. Gabe
whispered words of joy and welcome to the returning light.
64
Chapter Six
Through January, they worked. Sean finished one novel and sent another out after
rewrites. Gabe worked the phone-lines while Sean typed. The weather limited their excursions
to the market and the clinic. Sean grew more jumpy as he was confined.
Gabe barely averted one of Sean's panic attacks in Kim's. Sean had freaked out over the
narrow aisle and a loud car backfire had nearly sent him to the floor. Gabe soothed him, using
the Voice, but they had left the rest of their shopping until the next day.
Gabe couldn't avert the one that seized Sean on the way home from the clinic. A vagrant
had shadowed them for half a block, trying to approach for a handout. Sean had gone into full
sniper-scan mode and nearly squashed Gabe when he flattened his back against a wall. They'd
made it home only because Gabe went into drill sergeant tones and ordered Sean to march.
Sean asked for more Valium. The VA took his case under review.
"With luck, I'll get an upgraded dose in six months. With my luck, they'll take me off
because I'm a junky." Sean sat curled in a ball in the corner of futon, trying to get his breath.
The nightmares hovered, never too far from reach. Four in the morning looked good from
neither side. A thunderclap outside made him jump
We could have a shower, Gabe suggested.
Won't help, Sean said. Long experience made him very certain of that. He stroked
Gabe's hair. Talk to me. That's the only thing that helps.
Thunder rolled through the concrete canyons again. Gabe settled in, with Sean in his
arms. Herne hunts tonight. On a jet black steed he roams the skies, black hounds at his heels
and an army of sidhe behind him. He winds the great horn at his side when he spots his prey.
There is no rest for the maids of the wood this night. They huddle indoors, not daring to be
caught abroad. No, not mortals either, for Herne and the hunters will bear them away as well
as the women they seek. Sometimes, they hunt a spectral boar or a great nightmare. Another
thunderclap rattled the panes. They're passing close tonight. Listen to me, Sean. Don't listen
to the storm. He kissed Sean. Listen to me. If they call your name, you'll have to go and I'll
have to go with you. Listen, they're riding on. On away west toward the Summerlands. They're
gone. A last little grumble of thunder marked the storms passing.
Sean breathed a sigh of relief that it had not been longer than it was. That was bad, baby.
So bad.
You're shaking. Can you hold on a minute without me?
I think so.
Gabe vanished for a few minutes and returned. "Sean." He held up a hand-rolled
cigarette. "Try this."
Sean looked at it. "Gabe...that's--"
"Yeah. It'll calm you down and make your head stop hurting too."
"How did you get it?" Sean still didn't take it. "We can't afford to buy drugs."
65
Gabe gave him a smile. "One of the guys downstairs deals and took pity on me. Two
bucks for enough to make the phantom ache go away on high-pain nights." He pressed the
cigarette into Sean's hand.
Sean hesitated and closed his fingers over it. He'd been clean all his life. He stared at the
little hand-rolled cigarette. The nightmares...oh god. He trusted Gabe to keep him safe.
"I've never smoked anything, ever." Sean put it in his mouth.
Gabe lit it for him. "Breathe deep and hold it as long as you can. That's an order."
Sean took the smoke in, holding it until his head went light and swimmy. He breathed
out. Gabe urged him to take a second one. He couldn't tell any difference.
Gabe took the cigarette away, took a small drag and carefully extinguished it, stashing the
rest. Then, he cuddled Sean into his arms. "It'll help, I promise. And it's not addictive."
Sean rested quietly in Gabe's arms, staring up at Jim Morrison on the wall. "If it doesn't
work, I'll just have to type more," he said softly.
Gabe rubbed his shoulders. "It's working. You're not so tense."
Sean wasn't sure how long he lay there, a few minutes, maybe fifteen. Then he knew he
had to kiss Gabe or go crazy. He opted for kissing.
Gabe beamed down. "No nightmares around if you'd rather kiss me. Do you know it's
been a week since we fucked?"
"Haven't been in the mood," Sean grumbled. He kissed Gabe again. "Don't know why."
"Um, seven nightmares in four nights and two panic attacks in three days might do it,"
Gabe supplied helpfully. Not to mention my meds.
"So let's fix that." Sean sat up and pushed Gabe to his back. He flinched as a cockroach
crawled across the corner of the futon. "Oh, shit. They're back."
"Sean, it's New York. We're just lucky we haven't had roaches for a few months now. Just
squash it and let's get back to business."
Sean picked up his shoe and hunted the little monster into the corner. "It's thumbing its
nose at me, daring me," he said to Gabe. Gabe laughed and he smashed it. "Thank goodness
that's done."
Gabe had sat up to watch. "I do think we need a new place, though."
Sean came back to the futon, promising himself he'd wipe off the shoe before he tracked
bug-guts all over the floor where Gabe would be wheeling and hand-walking. "Like what? This
building is as friendly as it gets around here."
"I know." Gabe sighed. "But running two businesses of our own plus living here? It's
getting a little tiny."
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